I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize