I'm eating all of the evidence.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize