so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Randomize
