the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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