idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
