Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Randomize
