I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
The uberlube is also flammable
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
