Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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