did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
