he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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