It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
