you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
17 year olds will be the death of me.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
