I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
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