Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
