Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
