After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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