You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
