I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize