the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
