Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize