i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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