I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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