Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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