filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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