Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
