Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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