I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
