....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
