It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
