I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Text me some of your sweat
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
