Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
