I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
