i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
