Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
