it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
