it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
