when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
