Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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