I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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