Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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