So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize