I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
