I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
