She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Someone signed my nipple.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
