3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
