i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
