Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
i need to put some appletini on your dick
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
