Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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