We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
He kissed a someone with a penis
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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