You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
