he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
