I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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