how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
