We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
