i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
