Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I want a musical about memes.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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