1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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