remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
