Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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