Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
