He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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