im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Is that strawberry winking at me??
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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