Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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