It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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