i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
