It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize
