Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Randomize
