What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
