oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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