Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
