thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
