my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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