Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
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