So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
We need to get me chipped asap
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
