im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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